Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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