Is it normal to miss your booty call?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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