I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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