I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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