p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
