should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
