Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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