3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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