i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
