Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
