Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
