I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
