At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
