so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
