guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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