Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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