I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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