The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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