I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
