After last night, I could never be a politician.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
