he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found puke in my bra..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
