Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
