so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
