Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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