piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This baby is an asshole
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
