Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
