That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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