So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
