Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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