it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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