We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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