Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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