I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
