i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
