That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
