I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
