O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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