i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
