..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
