I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
