If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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