Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
