It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
