Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
