i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
