Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
