you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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