..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
