This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
