No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
