You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
